


Another Sun

by beaglesinbowties (Girlblunder)



Series: One shots: It could be canon [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Drama, F/F, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-05-27 09:24:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6278863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girlblunder/pseuds/beaglesinbowties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex, Kara, and Lucy head to the beach for a little R&R.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kirst003](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirst003/gifts).



> For my sweet, amazing, generous patron Kirst003's monthly 3k word prompt fill. She is amazing and this was all her idea. :)

* * *

Kara watches as the scenery flies past the window as she and Alex make their way out of the city. The drive isn't a short one, but Kara remains fascinated by the changing landscape. The tall buildings of National City give way to desert with sparse vegetation, but eventually that gives way too. Trees crop up more frequently, with the flora turning brighter and greener until they finally catch the first whiffs of the ocean.

"I think we're pretty close," Alex says with a smile.

"Yeah," Kara agrees. She's smiling too because she's already looked ahead and knows that the ocean is only a few swells of land away. Excitement sparks in her, though it's muted.

Since Lucy had returned to work at the DEO, they'd all gone through a lot of changes. Kara still can't look at Alex's right arm without feeling at least a flicker of shame, even though it's been months.

Lucy's been surprisingly great. It had only taken her a few days of working at the DEO to not only figure out Supergirl's identity, but to confront Kara about it. They'd had a small argument which led to several discussions.

Kara might have lost her friendship with James, but she'd gained an even more meaningful one with Lucy.

So had Alex.

They'd all had a particularly rough time the last several days trying to thwart Non, and J'onn had declared it time for them to take a break. His own involvement had been minor since he'd been removed from the DEO, but he'd helped when he could.

Like now, as he fills in as Supergirl so Kara could have some quiet time away from the bustle and mistrust that _still_ lingers in National City after their joint experience with red Kryptonite several months prior.

Lucy had made a few calls and arranged for some time at a friend's bungalow located on a stretch of private beach. Alex had looked interested, so Kara had agreed without hesitation.

She's been doing that a lot, trying to give Alex...something. Anything. Everything.

Nothing ever seems like enough. It feels like Kara can never make up for what she'd said and done after she'd become the much darker version of herself.

She'd taken Alex's love and devotion and twisted it with words all in an effort to shatter Alex - and she'd succeeded. Later, she'd even almost _killed_ Alex.

Alex, who still smiles at her as if she's the sun.

Sometimes, if Kara watches long enough, she can see Alex's smile stretch a little too wide and her hazel eyes glisten a little too much.

"We're here," Alex says as she shifts the car into first gear and pulls on the hand brake. The car is turned off a moment later, and the interior is quiet as they both soak up the almost eerie peace.

"She wasn't kidding about the privacy," Kara says in an effort to keep herself from thinking again.

"No, she wasn't." Alex opens her door and steps out slowly. They're parked on a small paved level area at the top of modest plateau. The vegetation is sparse this close to the ocean, yellow-green-gold stalks of longer grass gently swaying back and forth not unlike the ocean's tide.

Kara exits the car quickly as Alex takes a few steps to the side. Lucy's car is already here, a sleek dark sedan only a few shades lighter than Alex's.

"Over there," Alex says. Kara turns in time to see her begin walking toward the left of the car and down a slope Kara hadn't noticed before.

She hurries to catch up, swallowing when they clear the hill and its long grasses to catch sight of the cozy ranch style bungalow just off in the distance.

Kara can just make out Lucy's silhouette through the plate glass windows that make up at least half of the visible wall space on the western side of the building.

Lucy turns and catches sight of them, grinning and waving energetically. Kara feels a little more at ease. Lucy is not only a great friend, but an excellent buffer. With her around, it's easier for Kara to pretend like everything with Alex is just as it was before.

Her breath catches when Alex hooks her arm with her own so they're standing loosely together. Alex grins at Kara, and for a moment it's like they're teenagers again and Alex can't wait to show Kara all the fun that can be had at Earth beaches.

"We'll grab our stuff later," Alex says as they walk briskly to meet Lucy. "I just want to hang out for a bit first."

"Yeah, sure," Kara agrees as Alex's excitement seems to travel through all the places where the bare skin of their arms are in contact.

They have two days to forget the rest of the world. Kara would like to forget other things too. If Alex continues smiling like she is now, Kara feels like maybe that's not so impossible.

* * *

"Alex looks more relaxed already," Lucy says some time later as she and Kara lounge on the padded lounge chairs that adorn the worn wooden deck attached to the bungalow in their bathing suits.

Kara, who's been watching Alex as subtly as possible ever since Alex had decided to explore the beach alone, swallows. Alex is in a dark bikini top and cutoff jean shorts, her hair whipping softly with the breeze. If Kara focuses she can see a few strands sticking stubbornly to Alex's lower lip.

She forces herself to look just off to Alex's right. "My sister needed this mini vacation."

Lucy hums noncommittally. "We all did, I think." She pauses and Kara is tempted to look over at her. "Kind of glad we decided on a beach break though."

Kara's head jerks around. Lucy's face is half hidden by large round sunglasses, but her head is turned unmistakably in Alex's direction.

Kara follows the look automatically, inhaling sharply and wondering why the uneven tan Alex is sporting does nothing to detract from her appearance. The subtle ripple of muscle in her abdomen distracts Kara - until she remembers who she's looking at. "My sister has always been a health nut."

Lucy says nothing for a moment. "Mm, so I see," she says in a low voice.

It takes everything in Kara not to make a sharp comment. Lucy is incredibly fit herself, and it's within the realm of reason that she would appreciate a fellow gym rat's dedication.

Even a broken arm hadn't slowed Alex down much.

"You're doing that thing again," Lucy says almost lazily.

"Hm?" Kara asks distractedly. She can make out the irregular line of new bone that's grown over the most recent fracture even from this distance with her x-ray vision.

"Torturing yourself."

Kara looks away from Alex. "I-I don't know what you mean."

Lucy chuckles. "You're a horrible liar, Kara. I love that about you."

Again Kara's cheeks feel warm, and she crosses her arms defensively over her chest. "It's not so easy to forget what I did."

"Kara," Lucy says with a sigh as she removes her sunglasses and gives Kara a pointed look, "Alex forgave you the moment you were restored. You have to forgive yourself. Her arm has healed."

Kara doesn't have to ask how Lucy knows the details of events that she was never around for. Kara's aware she's not the only one that's confided in Lucy. "Her arm is just a reminder," Kara says in a voice hoarse with emotion.

Lucy sighs, low and long. "Have you ever considered that you're only making things worse?"

"What do you mean?" Kara doesn't like the way her voice wavers, but she wants to know - needs to know - what Lucy is trying to say.

"You haven't been treating her the same as before. I know because she's told me some things. I won't betray a confidence, but I really think the two of you need to sit down and have another real talk now that more time has passed."

The words settle over Kara's shoulders like a weight. "Maybe after this weekend, alright? I just want these few days together without any...of that extra stuff."

"Take your own advice then," Lucy says sharply as she looks over at Alex, "and stop guilting yourself. It's a beautiful day; enjoy the view. I know I am."

The heavy lidded look Lucy is sending Alex's way makes Kara shift uncomfortably in her seat. She stands. "Actually, I think I want to join _my sister_."

She doesn't wait for Lucy to respond, instead making a beeline for where Alex is now sitting on the edge of the beach so the ocean can wash up and tickle at her feet.

Clumps of wet sand stick to Alex's feet and legs, but she looks happy.

Kara's stomach flips as she gets closer, and she smooths a hand over the bare skin of her abdomen to try and settle it. She tugs the knot to her sarong loose as she sits so it flutters down to rest against the sand.

"Hey," she says as she leans over to bump her shoulder gently into Alex's, "everything okay?"

Alex's eyes seem lighter sitting this close to the ocean with the sun reflecting neatly off the water. "Yeah."

Kara bites her lower lip to try and stop her smile when Alex leans so that their arms are in full contact. "You remember our first trip to the beach together?"

The smile that pulls at Alex's lips is fascinating; carefree and wistful all at once. Kara absorbs the expression on her face until Alex finally speaks.

"Yeah, how could I forget? My mom was _so_ mad when we finally went back home." Alex sounds anything but upset at the memory, her joyful grin making Kara sigh internally.

Kara pulls her knees up to her chest, resting her cheek on them as she and Alex share a look. "She didn't get what was so important about it since we were going on that trip for school anyway."

Eliza hadn't realized how embarrassed Kara would be, going on a trip to the beach and not knowing how she'd react. Her first few years of school were difficult with people treating her like a pariah since she was unaware of so many Earth customs.

She knows that she'd embarrassed Alex a time or two, but Alex had always made her feel better. Always. She'd been sixteen the first time she'd gone to the beach, and Alex had held her hand as she'd been overwhelmed by all the things she could see and hear in and around the ocean.

The sand is cool against her fingertips as she draws a cartoonish example of a crab. "You took the blame for that," Kara adds softly, "even though you did it for me."

Alex shrugs and looks away. "I let my friends laugh at you for being confused about swimsuits. It was the least I could do."

"Alex." Kara's hand clenches against the sand, because of course Alex would beat herself up over something that happened years ago in regards to something she had absolutely no control over.

"Sorry," Alex says with a wry smile.

Kara swallows and stares down at the ruined crab. She doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand how Alex can't forgive herself for small stupid things that happened when they were teenagers, but she can find it in herself to forgive Kara for…

A warm hand curls over hers in the sand, and her breath catches as Alex threads their fingers together.

"Stop," comes Alex's gentle command.

Alex's thumb brushes over the back of her hand just as tenderly. Kara feels as if the air around them has grown heavier - it must be because breathing has become more difficult. She shouldn't be touching Alex like this. There's something she needs to say. Something very important.

As she's about to speak, her stomach rumbles loudly.

"Whoa," Alex says with wide eyes, "that's a dangerous sound. Let's go find some food."

Alex is up and dusting the sand from her shorts before Kara can respond.

Frustration wells in Kara until Alex leans over with an outstretched hand. "Come on, Kara."

Even though Kara is more than capable of getting up on her own, she accepts the hand.

There will be time enough for talking later, Kara thinks as she's willingly led back to the bungalow. Alex is distracting when she's happy.

* * *

They end up cooking together in a group, Lucy taking charge and putting them to work cutting vegetables as she scrapes together a manageable sauce for stir fry.

Dinner is consumed amidst jokes and laughter, and they squeeze onto the couch once their stomachs are full. Kara is proud she claimed the middle cushion as Lucy and Alex take up positions on either side of her.

The evening is cooler than the day, the patio doors open and allowing a fresh breeze in. They've changed into more comfortable clothes of t-shirts and loose shorts. Lucy's head is on Kara's lap as she goes on about some horrible blind date she'd recently endured courtesy of Vasquez.

"What _is_ her first name, anyway?" Lucy asks suddenly.

"Who? Vasquez?" Alex asks lazily. Her head is lolled back on the thick sofa cushion, her arms slung over the back of the couch.

Kara is tempted to lean back just a _little_ more so she can feel Alex's warm skin against her cheek. She forces herself to focus on the conversation instead.

"Yeah." Lucy sends Alex an expectant look.

"Can't tell ya. Vasquez said she'd plaster the internet with some old embarrassing school photos if I ever told anyone." Alex seems strangely smug at shutting Lucy's line of inquiry down.

"Coward," Lucy mutters as she sticks her tongue out at Alex.

Alex only hums. "There are some haircuts that you'll regret for a lifetime."

Kara has seen the photos in question, of course. She doesn't comment. Alex had been an adorable child, and no haircut would change that. Her eyes trace the firm cut of Alex's jaw line.

Alex's current haircut _is_ an exceptional choice for her matured features now, however.

"You're looking pretty hot these days, Danvers," Lucy quips with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

"In your dreams, Lane," Alex returns. Her lips are pursed in an attempt not to smile.

"Well, now that you mention it," Lucy says as she rolls over to stare up at Alex.

"Okay, whoa, time out. I'm _right here_." Kara's voice has risen several octaves as she alternates between sending Alex panicked looks and glaring at Lucy.

Alex laughs and combs a hand through her hair. "We're just messing around. Hang on a sec, I need to use the bathroom." She stands up and stretches, walking languidly over to the bathroom.

Kara and Lucy are quiet as they watch her leave. "You are so obvious, it's painful to watch."

"Huh? What?" Kara wonders as she blinks and focuses on a now sitting up Lucy.

Lucy's smirks and shakes her head. "You know, I wondered why you insist on calling Alex your sister like all of the time. Is it a natural thing or are you just trying to remind yourself?"

"What do you mean?" Kara asks with wide eyes. A lump forms in her throat that she tries to swallow. It doesn't budge.

Lucy stares at her silently. Recognition slowly overtakes her face. "Kara, remember how Alex was so insistent that there was some truth to what happened when, you know," she gestures with her hands awkwardly when words fail her.

"Yeah." The word is little more than a whisper. Kara's afraid what Lucy might say - is already terrified of what Lucy is saying.

"Kara, you don't think of Alex as your sister, do you?" Lucy's brow is furrowed as she waits for a response.

"No, but, I-I," Kara stutters. Her heart is thudding loudly in her ears, and she can hear the sound of two others beating just as fiercely.

 _Oh, no_ , she thinks a moment before she turns and spots Alex fleeing the bungalow as fast as her legs can carry her.

Kara freezes as she watches Alex, dumbly noting that Alex's feet are bare.

"Don't be an idiot, go," Lucy says as she pushes harshly at Kara's shoulder.

The words, paired with the aggressive pushing, make Kara snap into action. She doesn't bother trying to explain anything to Lucy. She doesn't even know how she can explain this to Alex.

She finds Alex immediately; Alex has only made it as far as the shoreline.

Her silhouette is easy enough to distinguish in the bright moonlight, seated in a position similar to the one she'd taken earlier in the day.

Kara is afraid to approach her, but she has no choice. Hurting Alex has always felt like the worst sort of crime.

"Alex," Kara says softly as she carefully approaches Alex from behind.

Alex's shoulders hunch and then relax. "Hey," comes the lone strained word.

Kara trembles as she debates whether she should join Alex or not. She takes a shaky breath and continues until she's seated next to, but not next to, Alex. There's a noticeable gap between their bodies that wasn't there earlier in the day.

Alex is curled up tightly; knees raised and arms crossed snugly over her chest. Her head is dipped low and her hair hides her face from Kara.

"I-I didn't mean that in the way you think."

Alex doesn't move at first, but then she shakes her head twice. "It's okay, Kara. I know. I've always known."

Kara's chest clenches sharply and breathing is difficult. Alex sounds so defeated; like every time Eliza has come down harshly on her rolled into one painful moment of recognition of forever being _the_ disappointment.

"No, Alex, it's not like that," Kara reaches out with a trembling hand, wanting so badly to push Alex's hair back from her face so that she can see the familiar hazel eyes.

Alex seems to get smaller as she hugs herself tighter.

"I love you, Alex," Kara says as she lets her hand fall to the ground.

Alex laughs, a sharp and unamused sound that cracks out harshly in an otherwise serene night. For a moment only the steady movement of the ocean can be heard.

"Yeah." Alex breathing is shaky. "Yeah," she repeats in a voice thick with tears.

And Kara, frustrated with her own inability to express herself, reaches and tucks Alex's hair back.

Her lips part. Tears are trickling down Alex's face like shooting stars; the moonlight catches them in such a way that they almost seem to glow.

Entranced, Kara leans over and catches one with her lips. "I love you," she whispers directly into Alex's ear.

She catches the last tear with her thumb, delicately wiping it away before leaning back to give Alex space.

Alex's face is a mask of shock as she processes the moment. Kara nods when Alex's head tilts and a look of understanding settles on her face.

"Kara, I...I don't know…"

Kara smiles. It could have hurt, but it oddly doesn't. "I know. It's okay."

Alex's eyes search her face intently, for what, she isn't sure. She sighs when she's pulled into a hug, burying her face against the curtain of Alex's hair and inhaling deeply.

"I love you," Alex says. "I'll always love you, no matter what."

Kara hugs her fractionally tighter. "That's all I need."

They remain that way for an undetermined amount of time, but Alex is stiff by the time they stand.

Kara's heart beats a little faster when Alex tangles their fingers together. Her hair is mussed by the wind and Kara can just make out the dried treks of her tears. Alex looks determined.

"We'll figure this out," she says with a stubborn tilt to her chin.

Kara laughs. "What's to figure out?"

Alex pokes out her tongue. "Just give me some time to wrap my head around this, okay?"

"Just let it go," Kara all but groans out as they begin walking back to the bungalow.

She stumbles when Alex stops abruptly and turns to face her, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek.

"We'll figure this out," Alex says in a low voice that makes Kara shiver.

"Okay," she says when she can speak again.

Alex grins and places a soft peck on the corner of her mouth. "Lucy said she bought ice cream earlier."

"Uh huh," Kara says as she stumbles alongside Alex. Ice cream is the last thing on her mind, especially with Alex's thumb rubbing at the back of her hand.

She doesn't know what the next day will bring, but the possibilities suddenly seem endless.

They reach the bungalow and Alex sends her a smile over her shoulder. Her hazel eyes seem to sparkle in the moonlight.

Kara has the idle thought that if Alex considers her the sun, then surely Alex is the moon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I asked my patrons what they wanted a follow-up for, and this was picked. I don't know what to say about this. My face is on fire with the level of fluff these two (Alex/Kara) forced me to write. I didn't proofread this because I can't handle that right now...maybe not ever. Ugh.

* * *

Figuring things out turns out to be a lot of days spent much as they have been before, but Kara doesn’t mind. That Alex knows and accepts her - that Alex understands that Kara really does mean it when she says ‘I love you’ - is enough for Kara.

There’s a special quality to the time they spend together, and Kara finds herself happy in their own bubble. Alex doesn’t push her to date or flirt or any of those things Kara finds tiring, and Alex, well. Alex has never dated much, but extra effort has definitely been made so they can spend time together.

After a few months Kara thinks that even if things never change, even if Alex never falls _in love_ with her, she’ll be happy - that is up until Non’s machinations reach a crescendo and he tries to use Myriad to take over the world.

For a while the world fades away as she remembers those precious moments she’d taken to say goodbye to Alex. Despite her resolution not to say such things to Alex, Kara found that she had been selfish in the end. She couldn’t go off to face her probable death without speaking to Alex one last time.

Her breathing is shaky as she stares out over the gently rolling waves. Alex could have died trying to save her, but instead they both made it home to celebrate with the rest of the DEO.

_Her lungs burn as she takes a gasping breath and sits up. Where is she? She’d never imagined the light of Rao to be like this, to be--_

_“Alex?” she asks, her voice rough with disuse._

_“Kara.” The single word is a heavy release, relief, emphasized by the easing of the deep lines of Alex’s face._

_“What happened?” She swallows, somehow hoping that if her voice clears up so, too, will her mind._

_Alex smiles and shrugs, but her lips and hands are trembling. “You saved the world.”_

_Suddenly the relief is gone, the simple declaration sounding more like an accusation. Kara thinks that her throat feels worse now._

_Alex shrugs again and shakes her head. She heaves a breath and glances away; when she focuses back on Kara the shaking is gone, and Kara wonders if maybe it was imagined. “And I saved you. You’re not the only badass in the family.”_

_Kara laughs because she doesn’t know what else to do, and Alex’s eyes crinkle warmly around the edges. The tightness in her throat eases, and she feels a flood of things all at once. She would have died, but here she is. With Alex._

_The urge to reach out to Alex, to tug her forward and pull her close and just hold her, intensifies. Alex must read something in her expression because a moment later a hesitant hand slides against her own._

_Her heart thuds in her chest. It’s not the hug she wants, but it’ll do for now. It’s safer with her emotions so high, in any case._

_Alex pulls away suddenly, her hands moving awkwardly as she reaches upwards. “This, uh, belongs to you,” she says as she reaches out to carefully return Kara’s necklace. “There’s a lot of people waiting out there to thank you.”_

_Kara nods and automatically pulls the necklace back into place, not wanting to look at the oddly tense smile on Alex’s face. She stands and keeps her gaze away, not sure if she can handle whatever Alex is feeling._

_Just when her eyes sting and she thinks maybe she’s going to cry, she’s surprised to feel Alex’s hand brush hers again._

_She glances over and her breathing stutters when she finds Alex giving her that special smile that lets her know everything will be alright. She smiles back and they hold hands until just before they reach the waiting mass of the DEO._

_Kara grins when she sees Lucy, glad that her dear friend is alive and well._

The waves continue to be hypnotic, easing Kara from the memory. It’s been a few days now, and even though she’d thought they’d figure things out after everything had settled, that hasn’t been what’s happened.

Alex has hardly spoken to her, let alone lingered in her presence for more than a few moments. It had been Lucy’s idea to head back to the beach, to the quaint bungalow that had served well the last time they’d been having problems communicating and adjusting to change. Lucy hadn’t come this time, though, not wanting to interrupt what would probably be a very serious talk.

Kara thinks that maybe Lucy would have been more of a much needed buffer, but she hadn’t voiced the thought aloud.

The cool breeze sweeping over the water pricks sharply against Kara’s skin. It’s never been that she doesn’t feel the hot or cold, but rather that she has a much higher tolerance than anyone else she knows. Kara’s begun to wonder if that isn’t true for less physical sensations. Though Alex’s distance _hurts_ , she also feels like it wouldn’t be so bad waiting however long she needs to for Alex to work through the things that are bothering her.

Lucy’s patience isn’t so great, or so Kara has come to understand with the rather vehement offer of the bungalow.

 _“What is this, high school? I thought I’d endured the last of the damn sad lingering looks and heavy sighs. This has got to change because I’m already sick of it. How are you two so close and yet sometimes just_ so _bad at communication?” Lucy grunts as she releases a flurry of punches at her punching bag, making Kara pause in her own workout._

_“I don’t know,” Kara admits honestly. “I guess after a certain point we just kind of got used to not talking about certain things.”_

_A low growl is Lucy’s response as her fists make heavy impact against the bag. “I was never fond of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”_

“Kara,” Alex calls out from inside, “the tea is ready.”

If Kara is surprised, she doesn’t show it. Her pulse accelerates in anticipation because Alex hasn’t openly invited her to anything in days.

“Coming,” she says as she pushes up from the sand to wander inside.

*

The ceramic mug squeezed between Alex’s hands is an old comfort. When she’d been younger her dad had liked to have talks over cocoa, tea, or the occasional warm milk. It had been a special time when no subject was ever off limits, and a young precocious Alex had eagerly anticipated every conversation.

She’d hoped the familiarity would help her now, help her say the things she knows Kara needs to hear. Alex has never felt so inadequate, and given how her mother has made her feel in the past, that’s saying something.

Her thumb rubs against the smooth surface of the mug idly. If she and her mother could find a way to talk to one another after years of saying all the wrong things, then she can find the words to speak to Kara. Staring at her mug helps her begin.

“When we were kids...and I started to understand everything you’d been through, there was a point when I didn’t know what to say or do. Nothing ever seemed right or enough. I could tell that you needed _something_ , but I wasn’t sure what I could do to help you.” She pauses to look directly in Kara’s eyes. “And I wanted to help you so much, Kara.”

“I know,” Kara says with a furrowed brow.

Alex holds up a hand. Kara eases back, understanding the silent plea. The anxiety in Alex’s chest eases slightly.

“After just watching you as you tried to adapt, I realized there _was_ something I could do for you. You were always hesitating to reach out to my parents even though I could tell those times when you just really needed a hug or just...some kind of small kind of affection. I’d never sought out much of that, even with my parents - but with you? That just came natural to me.”

Her throat works, and she takes a moment to sip at her near-tepid tea. “After we lost Dad, I tried really hard to be everything Mom needed, but that was impossible. I realized then that when I reached out for your hand, or to just touch your shoulder or something, the comfort was for _me_ just much as it was for you.”

As she’s playing with the handle of her mug she catches sight of Kara’s hands. They’re pressed carefully to the surface of the table around her own mug, and Alex can see just how much Kara wants to reach out. She leans forward so that the tips of her fingers are resting over Kara’s.

“When you--” The words catch in Alex’s throat. She grits her teeth in frustration, hating the lack of her control over herself in the moment when she needs it to survive her confession.

Kara’s hand twists under hers, and then their fingers are tangled together. She glances up and she can breathe again because Kara’s looking at her and it’s clear Kara _sees_ how difficult it is for her, but unlike with nearly everyone else in the world, Alex is comforted rather than embarrassed.

“When you decided to fly Fort Rozz away so Myriad wouldn’t kill us, you made me promise you something.” She’s cried enough over the near miss in private, but she the piercing agony of Kara almost dying still makes her need to pause. “And maybe I’ve realized many times before that I’d gladly give my life for yours, but it’s the first time I truly understood that I really _can’t_ live without you, Kara. I _can’t_.”

“Alex.” Kara looks pained, the lone whisper of Alex’s name a sad admonishment.

Alex takes a deep breath and purses her lips together. “No, Kara, it’s true. I can’t. I know that figuring things out has been going slow, but it’s just letting my head process things. I’ve realized now that maybe back when we were kids I felt something for you, but just, my mom and losing dad and...I kind of pushed everything down and away, and it’s really hard to overcome that kind of conditioning. But, the way I feel about you? It’s so much more complicated and…”

She pulls her hands away from Kara to rub at her face. There aren’t words to describe the way she feels, like a dying sun ready to collapse in on itself and become a black hole of oblivion. For so long she’s let her mother pressure her - and worse she’s pressured herself - into a certain role that she really wasn’t suited for.

It’s made her feel guilty and haunted when she’s reached out for Kara, like she’s committing a crime in wanting to give Kara back the love she deserves in the way she deserves - in the way Alex is understanding she might have wanted to love Kara from the beginning.

“I realized that if I could never touch you again, if I could never just reach out and hold your hand again, that I couldn’t survive. I need you in a way that I don’t think a word exists for.” The look on Kara’s face makes Alex crumble, but she isn’t frustrated when the first tears fall because Kara’s standing up and tugging at her arm and then they’re pressed together hugging as tightly as they can.

“I’m sorry it hurt you to promise that, but even if something were to happen to me tomorrow I would want you to _try_.” Kara’s words are a soft mumble against the shell of her ear, and she squeezes her eyes shut harder.

Maybe Kara doesn’t really get it, Alex thinks. Frustration sparks in her again, and when they pull apart so she can look at Kara, she doesn’t realize that she’s pressed their lips together until Kara’s body stiffens against hers.

She pulls back slowly. Through all the years and many different signs of affection they’ve shared, kisses have never been one.

The kiss had been simple and chaste, and yet Alex feels the aftermath of it like all the firsts she and Kara have shared together and all the ones she hopes they’ll share in the future. It’s a shock, much like the precious kisses Kara had pressed to her face after finally revealing the depth of her feelings, but the numbness Alex has fought since the long hours of waiting for Kara to regain consciousness after her bout in space finally fades.

She isn’t sure if she’s in love with Kara. What she feels seems so much more, a vast and timeless thing that is beyond bickering and misunderstandings, beyond attraction and marriage, even beyond familial ties and blood.

Alex smiles, because she understands why Kara hasn’t pushed her one way or another over romance. Kara is the same. Kara feels the same. She’s still smiling as she presses her lips to Kara’s again.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Girls day with Kara, Alex and Lucy, where they're going to spend the day at the beach. Kara is very insistent that Eliza and Jeremiah are foster parents, and that makes sense since she had parents of her own she knew, but there is never a distinction with Alex. Which I think is interesting because she really pushes that as Alex is her sister. Almost like "the lady doth protest too much". I see Lucy as being the type of person to call Kara on that and make Kara question her feelings. Either that or Lucy just thinks Alex is hot and makes all the inappropriate comments to Kara.


End file.
